Jackson Reed

Two bloggs in the same date.....can you believe it after a few months of silence? But news like this, this wonderful miraculous news is just so good, down to the heart good. I am a Grandmother! Jackson Reed was born to Dan and Erin last Sunday 3-19-06! My son and his wife have a son. I have counted his toes and fingers at least 2/3 times and checked out everything else, kissed him...oh...ten dozen times at least and have declared throughout the land that he is perfect! Hands like little baseball gloves, feet like little paddles, 22 1/2 inches long and absolutely the sweetest, most perfect baby ever! His mom and dad are over the moon in love with him as am I, his uncle John and everyone else. He was born on his birthday!!! And then promptly walked right into my heart.

Moving!

Change has always been a difficult time for me and I have not been one to enjoy the transititions and the hard work it takes to make a change. I am in the process of selling my house that I have lived in for 30 years and make a move to a townhouse, with much smaller space and closets, heaven forbid! Sorting, and thinking over what I want to keep and what is to be donated, is difficult since I recall my mother always saying that nothing should be thrown out as 'one day you may need just that very thing'. My thought is that if I haven't used that 'thing' for quite some time, I most likely will never use it. So the process of change is difficult and I have packed and repacked every room in this house...in my head. My heart hasn't caught up with the whole idea as of yet.

I sat in church this morning and I could not keep the tears away. I sat prayerfully before the service as I usually do, and prayed about what all I was feeling. It has been a big week and there has been a lot on my mind, not only about change, but about being significant in the lives of people I love, how to care and love when others may choose to remain distant and how to care for and perhaps even minister to those around me who are hurting and in pain. Not your ordinary 'what should I do this afternoon or make for dinner' questions, but questions of confusion and hurt that were running pretty deep through my heart. "What do I have to do Lord?" "Why does this all hurt so much?" "Why is change so difficult?"

And then the sermon! Matthew 8: 23-27 The storm at Sea. And then I knew what the Lord was saying to me as He and I had been here before, and in fact many times before. Just as He had calmed the angry, raging sea, He would calm the storm in my heart and bring me peace. Then we stood for the closing hymn and I am sure the words were written and hand picked just for me this morning.

Be Still, my Soul! The Lord is on thy side;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul! G+d doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul! the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled while He dealt below.

Be still, my soul!when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.


I've decided to move closer to Jesus on the boat and not keep watching the storm from under the blanket...and stop puking over the side too.

Helen's journey

I have an 85 year old freind who left today for California. She is leaving everything behind and going to start over in her old home town with old friends. The circumstances of the 'why' for this move are painful and difficult...more than a person should have to endure, but she sees a future there and some peace. She gave most everything she owned away and took only her clothes with her and a few personal treasures. She is travaling light..........

Thinking of all of this reminds me that I also want to traval light. Less is better and baggage on my journey with the Lord is only 'heavy stuff' to carry. I want to be free and have my hands empty to recieve all the delights and treasures that the Lord has for me.

The kingdom journey calls me to relationship and to engage myself with the Gospel journey. I am only able to continue on this journey...this togethering, this interrelatedness... if I am free of baggage or willing to let it go on the way and move forward.

All I know for this day is that there is a call out for me to 'live true' and to find the meaning of expressing my response of 'YES'. This journey won't take me to California like my friend Helen, but it may make a stop in Kansas.

Having talked about being worried or fearful with some friends and family, I have found that this little word holds incredible power, both in a positive and negative venue. I have found that fear does one of two things for me, or to me, as it may be. I can become immobile in a heart beat, and stand frozen in my tracts, not able to think, plan, move, or make any kind of a decision. It holds me in a grip that prevents me from seeing anything other than blackness, and I couldn't find a ray of light anywhere. The other side of that fear is that it instantly drives me to God. I can almost feel His breathe and feel His heartbeat, and I am so close and secure right where I am in His arms. There is a song that Darlene Zschech sings on Hillsong called....'IN YOUR HANDS'. It makes me cry and sing and want to dance and shout when I listen to it. Here are the words.

I'm so secure, You're healing me.
You stay the same, your love remains
Here in my heart.

So close- I believe-You're holding me now
In your hands-I belong.
You'll never let me go.

Yes- Jesus you gave your love
You gave your love-your endless love.
You set me free-and show the way
Now I am so secure...

So Close----

All along you were beside me
Even when I couldn't tell
Through the years you showed me
more of you-more of you.

So close----



That is where I want to be while looking fear in the face...in Your hands God, so close, so secure, and you'll never let me go!!!!

Dan gave me a CD from Open Door when Pastor John Lynch preached about fear and the disciples in the boat with Jesus when the storm was raging all around them. As I listened to the sermon, I could understand why Dan wanted me to hear it. I wondered what were those disciples thinking? How where they dealing with their fear? And Panic??? Some were frantic to tie the mast down, pulling on other ropes to secure everything, yelling back at the storm from their inner place of panic. Some were huddled down in the front of the boat trying to find some sort of protection, maybe with a blanket over their shoulders, or even over their head. Pastor Lynch goes on to describe the scene.....a few were in the back of the boat sitting around Jesus, looking at him intently, wondering what He was going to do about the storm, looking to Him with absolute faith that He knows what to do and when to do it. One is most likely puking over the edge of the boat and I sure do know how that guy feels. Little boat on Lake Minnetonka or a Carnival Cruise Liner and I am over the edge in short order. I have been trying to imagine where I am on that boat. Where am I sitting and what am I doing to deal with this terrible, frightening situation? I am sure that most of the time I am frozen with fear, just hanging onto something, or maybe trying to walk around a bit to access the situation and to see if something couldn't be done to stop the situation....Yea..Right. After puking over the side again and probably again, I really would want to settle down and be in the face of Jesus. I don't want to wander off anymore or be over the edge...no, I really want to just sit next to Him and wait it out....wait it out under His protection and care until...........with a word, the storm clears and the calm is so loud that I can't hear anything else but stillness and peace.

Now.....I sit in quietness some times and wonder what I would say to Jesus after He spoke and all was quiet....what would my words be, my gestures, my response that all through the storm He was there, with me in the fears and panic and then with a few words made it all right again. How am I going to respond to that kind of care and assurance that He is with me today, as He was with his disciples in the boat....and trust everything to Him.................place it all in His hands, lean into the heart of God..........so close and so secure.

Few things touch me to the very core as does laughter. A good laugh coming up from deep inside, rolling through the chest and up and over the throat is such a treasure. A good joke or a pun (my favorite) adds a spice to life that flavors every conversation and relationship. I have one friend that I laugh with the most...We can be horsey, (as we call it) and can laugh at things that I am sure other people would find strange or different and won't understand our belly laughs, but we revel in it. And, of course, one laugh leads to another and off we go.

When I first started hearing about blogging I was thrilled at having the opportunity to share and do some creative thinking and writing. I have learned that this is not a place that requires us to be always serious, so...........here goes.........some of my favorite one liners............

*Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in the garage makes you a car.
*If everything is coming your way...you are in the wrong lane.
*There was a young man with a hernia, Who said to his doctor, "Coldernia, When improving
my middle, Be sure you don't fiddle, With matters that do not concernia."
*P.S. Son, I was going to send you $500.00 but I had already sealed the envelope.
*There are three signs of old age. The first is the loss of memory and the other two I forgot.
*A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw."
*Don't shoot the horse til you know how to drive the tractor.
*Most of us go to the grave with our music still inside us.
*Birthdays are good for you; the more you have the longer you live.
* Heard during a in-flight information lecture or shortly thereafter...."There may be fifty ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this plane." "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we will try to have them fixed before we arrive."
*Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old that you have to pay someone to see you naked. Mid-life is that time in your life that the only thing you can retain is water.
* One guy kept prayimg he would be everything that women want and he turned into a box of chocolates
*When you are really flustered..don't worry...even Moses was a basket case!

So there you have it....just a few things to make you grin and maybe even laugh outloud. Bless your laughter.

Trust...

Trust is something that I haven't found difficult in my spiritual journey. I accepted the Lord and took Him at His word and I trusted that truth. I have had challanges in my life though, some tough struggles, very difficult experiences and times when I wondered how long I would wander in the wilderness. The 'dark night of the soul' has been a place where I knew God was present, even though the inside of me was registrating on a shut down mode. If I ever felt a distance between the Lord and I, it was because I was primarily in a place of believing the negatives about myself rather than accepting the free gift to me of grace in Christ Jesus. I am always on the 'solid rock of Christ' place, even if I feel like I am up to my neck in quicksand.

And then....there is gut wrenching fear! Very few times in my life have I ever been aware of 'not being able to breathe, I am so scared', and I am learning a lot about myself in this place. Fear is ugly...Webster tells me that it is "an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by the expectation or awareness of danger, anxious concern. The only time I have experienced this before was when my children were young and we drove through a tornado on a road trip. I was afraid believe me! But I remember little voices in the back seat of the car praying that Jesus would protect us and hold us all tight in His arms. And yes, that is exactly what He did. It was all over quickly, the tornado went in the other direction and we were safe. Beyond safe......giddy and silly with the relief and realization that we were safe, singing and happy as we went on our way. I recall that my 'expectation' at that time was that God did have His hand on us and we were safe and held close to the heart of God..........and now.......... I heard again that same voice, however now grown up, telling me to read Philippians and to trust with all my heart the care and protection of God ....now, today in these circumstances I find myself in. Twenty years difference in my childs voice, but the prayer and love were the same. "Trust Jesus Mommy. Just trust......"

Perhaps the real issue for me here is that I need to change my expectation.......expecting fear and trouble, maybe danger.......or expecting to stand firm in the Lord...rejoicing, anxioius for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let my requests be known to God.....and the peace of God will keep my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. "Trust Jesus Mommy" are good words from your child no matter how old they are.....Thank you son.

God with a Passport

This week I returned from a wonderful trip to see my son in Italy. He is in Pompeii and to see his workplace and to meet his friends and co-workers was wonderful....hot, but wonderful. I was on overload to say the least with Rome, The Vatican, Naples, Pompeii, the Mediterranean Sea, ancient Roman ruins, Naples and Florance....Michelangelos David and museum after museum of the most amazing art you could ever imagine...and church after church of the finest architecture and artwork. It really was a dream come true to be able to travel in Italy and to have the time to become a part of the communities, to get to know the shop keepers, to know their names and hear about their families. Not so unlike any of us in America or some of our beautiful sights.

I went on this vacation with a bit of a heavy heart as I left behind a friend of many years who was in a coma with brain cancer. I knew that she may not be alive when I returned and I was right...she died five days after I left. She had asked if I would go to the Vatican to pray for her, and recieve a papal blessing for her healing. I spent time there the day that she had died and could only ask that the God would heal her in body and if not, then to recieve her unto Himself and give her perfect peace and rest. I was peaceful with that prayer and the relinquishment. But the shock of hearing that she had died the same day as I was in St. Peters praying for her, was still difficult for me. I wondered if I had prayed hard enough, or used the right words, or had I done things different, would she be alive. Or maybe I should have changed the tickets to go a week early or....or.... I carried this around with me for several days and felt the heaviness of it literally hanging around my neck.

Her funeral was to be the next week on Wednesday and while in Florance that day I had done some walking alone, when I found a small little known church a block from my hotel. It wasn't in any of the travel books or a 'must see' mention from any one that I knew that had been to Florance. And believe me, in Florance there are some magnificant, beautiful churches with hundreds of years of history and well known all over the world. But, I came across two doors opening into a quiet little church with candles burning all around, with the lights flickering off the walls that were covered in paintings. The dark wood, the altar cloths, the candles...it was all very beautiful, but simple. Nothing like the large advertised churches, but rather, it seems like it was just there in all of the traffic and busyness for a purpose...I stepped inside, waited for my eyes to adjust from the bright sunshine and felt as if arms reached out and welcomed me, invited me in to sit and to be quiet for a time.

I sat for a long time and then realized that someone had come over to sit by me...it was the parish priest...and he asked me if my heart had been sad for a long time. We had not spoken before this!!!!!! Tears came to my eyes and I couldn't stop talking....I told him about Mary and her death and that I would not be home for her funeral and that I wasn't able to get the papal blessings for her healing and....and....and....and....I didn't stop until everything had been said that I needed to say and then I cried. She was such a dear friend. He was silent for a long time and then talked about God's timing, God's healing that comes in many ways, that God can transform a disappointment into something that can bring good, that God's healing is perfect in death, His love is everlasting and His faithfulness endures forever. Familiar words that brought me comfort and then he prayed and was gone. Suddenly I was as alone as I had been when I arrived...but not alone at all.

Westminster Abbey in London is a precious place to me...and I have spent several times for long periods of time sitting there and praying. I always find the Lord there even though it is a tourist attraction, it is a house of worship to me, a place that I seek and find God. I thought of Westminster as I sat in this little church in Florance and was blessed to have found God there too...only to be reminded in my heart that it was because He is where I am, enveloping me in His care and love and sustaining me when I hurt and am tired. Who knew God had a passport too.

Blessings

How do I find the words for my mouth when my heart is so full? I realize that God comes and moves about in my life, stirring up inside me His presence and awakening me to the gifts that He has for me through those I love. Yesterday was one of those days!!!

Years ago in a small prayer commuinity, I was given the opportunity to participate in a service of 'foot washing', and again at a Lenten service in 2003, with ten others who have been a part of my life for years. These particular people are very close and we have all been together through out our individual spiritual jouneys. The act of washing each others feet became a tremendous experince as we began to grasp the impact of what Jesus meant for this to be. Can you imagine how the disciples must have felt? The act of servanthood, and the openness of this gift as a display of humility, ultimately becoming the symbol of God's own gift to us in Jesus. For years I have prayed to have a 'foot washing attitude', and to be sensitive to those who need this extension of God's love and grace......
and then there was last night!

My son, daughter in law and I decided to meet for dinner around 6:00pm. Dan called and asked if I was free for the evening, because Erin had a surprise for me. I was busy trying to guess what that could be!!! I tried to get it out of Dan....but he was as tight lipped as Erin. When we arrived at their house, the announcement was made, that Erin was going to give me a pedicure! I have never had one and the experience was delightful...the foot spa, the mud pack, the lotion and the beautiful color on my nails (all decorated for an up coming trip). We laughed and talked as I felt the gentleness of Erins caring hands...what a blessings this was for me...
I recognized this as a 'God moment', and realized her simple act of a pedicure, really was ministering to my heart. I looked at my daughter in law last night, studied her face, heard her caring thoughts and realized God had used her to renew and refresh my heart. She is beautiful inside and out and I am blessed with her love and care.

God's love is like that...sometimes a surprise in a kind gesture or a hug, the words of love from a friend or family, a sermon with tremendous wisdom... and in pretty painted toe nails.